Maple Breadcheese Dyke Chow
What is dyke chow? Put simply, it's a salad composed of carb, vegetable, protein, sauce. It can have many ingredients or just a few. It can be zhuzhed up or tossed together quickly. You can use homemade ingredients or a bottle from the fridge. Dyke chow is when you and your lover(s) need an easy, nutritious meal to keep you happy, fat, and fed.
This first dyke chow was made after a particularly tough week dealing with heterosexuals and enemies, to feed my lover Hayley after her fiber night meet up. She loves a grilling cheese, and picked up some breadcheese at Aldi recently. I was reading the package, and learned that breadcheese is part of a sweet breakfast in Nordic countries! It suggested drizzling with maple syrup, so for this savory rendition, I adapted this creamy maple dressing as a nod to its breakfast roots. Everything you read here is a suggestion -- feel free to make it your own!
Maple Breadcheese Dyke Chow
Salad
One packet of grilling cheese (haloumi, breadcheese, paneer), cut into bite sized cubes Two stalks celery, sliced thin enough to cook quickly but thick enough to remain crunchy Half an apple, cut in small cubes 1 cup brown rice or other grain (quinoa, bulgur, etc) Water or vegetable stock, amount per grain cooking instructions Herbs (I tossed in a bay leaf and some thyme to simmer with the grains) 2 tbsp olive oil Salt and black pepper
Sauce
1/4 cup mayonnaise 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil 1/4 cup maple syrup 1 tablespoon stone ground mustard, but dijon or whole grain would do fine too 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar A pinch of red pepper flakes Salt and pepper to taste
Start with your grain, as this will take the longest to cook. Cook grain according to package or rice cooker instructions. I used brown rice with a bit of better than bouillon, a bay leaf, a snipping of fresh thyme from our herb garden, but salted water would work fine.
Second, make your sauce. Add all ingredients for the sauce into a liquid measuring cup or a pint jar (for easy storage) and blend with an immersion blender. If you do not have an immersion blender, you can whisk it together in a large bowl by hand. Add a big pinch of salt and a few good cracks of pepper. Taste it. You want it to be as salty and delicious as a store-bought sauce, which is probably saltier than you think! Just when you think it's about salty enough, stop. We'll finish the seasoning later.
Heat a skillet over medium high heat. Once hot, add oil. Once oil is shimmering, add the sliced celery and a pinch of salt. Cook for 5-7 minutes, tasting the celery starting at 5 minutes. You want it softened, but still crunchy, for a bit of bite in the salad. Once done, use a slotted spatula to move the celery to a large mixing bowl, leaving behind the oil.
Next, fry the cheese. Toss it into your hot oil and let brown on one side for 3-4 minutes, keeping an eye that it doesn't burn. Use the spatula to really separate the cheese from the pan, so that you get all that crispy stuff to stay on the cheese. That's the whole point of frying it. Toss it once, fry on another side (no need to fret over making it perfect), and remove from pan and add to the bowl.
Once your grain is done and fluffed, add it to the bowl with your celery and cheese, and add about half the sauce. Stir, stir, stir! Taste it. Is it saucy enough? No? Add more sauce. Now, is it salty enough? Really make sure to salt (and pepper) enough to make it zing. You'll probably have a bit of sauce leftover, which you can use to loosen up the leftovers tomorrow. Toss in your cubed apples and it's perfect. That said, here are a few last tips for putting lipstick on the pig (we love a femme).
LAST CALL:
Add some toasted nuts! I used already roasted pepitas, but pecans or walnuts would go great! Or none at all, it's fine, we got some texture in there already with the celery and apples. You can also add some fresh chopped herbs, like parsley or thyme, but I didn't because: I didn't feel like it.
Happy munching!